“Wondering Amongst Imagination’s Headstones” is a book of short stories I published back in November, 2019. I bring this up not because of the time of year, even though Halloween is my favorite holiday that’s not a holiday. But rather, something a coworker got me thinking about that I haven’t thought about in a long time; that being the two dates that are separated, by what is known as an en dash, on a gravestone.
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Those dates are something we—that being you, me and every person on this planet—have no control over. There’s a saying in emergency medicine that goes something like, “when it’s your time, it’s your time.” Basically, when that end date comes there’s nothing that anybody can do to stop it. I realize it’s kind of morbid, but I instead turn your attention to that mark because that is something we do have control over.
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It represents our reality and our choices. We can choose to be friendly, to inspire, to help and to be optimistic. And just as easily we can choose to be angry, hurtful and pessimistic. The choice is ours and ours alone, because we are the co-creators of our reality. Yet, there exists within that mark events that suddenly and unexpectedly occur that are out of our control. And that’s where my job, whether in the emergency room or on the ambulance, becomes relevant.
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I didn’t realize it until I walked into work, but this past week was Emergency Nurses Week. While it’s nice to be recognized for what we do, it’s also, to be honest, something I don’t expect. Instead, I prefer to keep things inconspicuous. For instance, I don’t have a special license plate or nursing decals on my car. I don’t wear nursing shirts in public and if I have to stop at the store before or after work, I cover my scrubs with a jacket.
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There’s been a lot going on in emergency medicine this past year, especially as it relates to the pandemic. However, if you think the department is like what you see on television, then you need to brush that notion aside. I’m not saying that it doesn’t get busy, stressful and hectic. That’s practically a daily occurrence. Yet, a majority of what we see isn’t a true emergency. And by true emergency I’m talking about the potential or actual loss of life or limb. Still, people use the emergency department as a form of primary health care and by law we’re not allowed to turn anybody away. It’s an operation that never shuts down and we’re there for anybody who needs it, no matter the time of day or night.
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The work itself can be both mentally and physically exhausting. It’s not uncommon to be on your feet and constantly moving for an entire twelve hour shift. And getting a lunch or a break, well, that’s a luxury when you do get it. More often than not, food is eaten on the run and several hours may pass before you realize that you haven’t taken a single sip of water. As can be expected the department is not an environment filled with happiness and joy and this is further perpetuated by patient and family behavior.
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I’d like to say that people treat the medical staff with dignity and respect, and while some do, quite often they don’t. Patients and their families seem to become emboldened within the atmosphere and they show this by swearing at and belittling the staff, complaining excessively if they don’t get their way, throw tantrums, actually throw things and I’m sure by now, you can guess some of the other behaviors that find their way into existence. When we do finally walk someone outside after being discharged the heavens do not open up, there is no divine light that shines down nor are there any angels blowing their trumpets praising us for what we’ve done.
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So why do we do it? Why do we continually subject ourselves to this frustration? Why do we return the next day after struggling through a shift that left us drained and wondering if we did a decent job in the first place?
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I wish I could provide you an answer that touches the depths of my soul. I wish I could provide a thought provoking response. I wish I could, but I don’t think that I can.
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In the end I believe it comes down to simply helping people. Then again, maybe it’s the strong connections that we form with our coworkers. Or the rawness of the situations we find ourselves in, or maybe it’s the innate sense of doing something important knowing that no praise or reward will be given to us. Maybe it’s a combination of all of these. Whatever the case, I do know that I work with some amazing doctors, nurses, technicians, clerks, pharmacists, social workers and environmental service workers. Without these people the things I do could never get completed in the way they were meant to be.
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I, like many of my fellow nurses, do not consider ourselves to be heroes. We are ordinary people that chose to be thrust into this chaotic environment and in our own way attempt to organize it into some semblance of meaning. No matter the time of day, the given hour, the complexity of the situation, we’ll be there to help you continue on with your life and make that mark between those two dates continue to have meaning and purpose. If you get a chance hug an emergency nurse. Then again, given the pandemic, maybe it’s best to keep your distance. You never know what we’ve just been in contact with.
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I still believe that the majority of us want to be in this together, let’s not be too close together while we’re all in it.