.
Not only were we lost, but we had stumbled upon someone’s home, probably a “woodsman;” homeless men that chose to live in the woods. As a paramedic I’ve heard stories about their existence and their overall meanness. I’ve even ran a few calls to similar tent cities. Now, I’m faced with a decision. Find a way around this thing without making a sound, because do I really want to disturb whomever is living underneath that tarp? Or do we double back?
.
Movie clips started to play inside my head. Deliverance. The Blair Witch Project. “I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.” Then the voice of a newscaster whispered in my ear, “Two half eaten bodies were discovered deep inside…”
.
Hold on a minute. Let’s pump the brakes and start from the beginning. You might be asking yourself, how did we get here in the first place?
.
It all started about an hour-and-a-half earlier. My wife wanted the family to go kayaking and in her relentless pursuit of this decision found a place that rented them. Believe me when I say that once she latches onto an idea, well, it’s basically like a dog with a juicy bone; you’re not prying it away. So the four of us, together with another group of people, found ourselves by a swift flowing river.
.
I guess the first clue that something might be amiss was the required helmet. A helmet? I’ve never worn one kayaking, but as the saying goes, “When in Rome…” Next we were told that the first twenty percent of the river was fast moving, but a beginner could handle it without any problem. Of course, I glaze over this bit of information and despite the downpour the night before, I embrace that adventurous spirit. You know the one that says, “I got this,” or “What could possibly go wrong?”
.
I’m the last to shove off and within the first couple hundred yards two people have already tipped over. Shoes are floating down the river. So too is a empty kayak. The now swimmers are fighting the current. A husband tried to help his wife and well, you guessed it, he’s no longer dry. The earlier laughter has now morphed into panic. Of course the two kids maneuver through it like Olympic athletes and are quickly out of sight.
.
In the meantime, I’ve got that runaway kayak honed in on my radar, but as I round the bend, I miscalculate what I’m doing and slam into a pile of debris. I manage to bounce off the first impact, but alas the river had other plans. The front end of my kayak is thrust into the pile of branches and before I could react I’m thrown into the cold water. Let me tell you, it was anything but refreshing, more like downright freezing and after being swept the length of a football field I manage to swim my way to shore.
.
Once I climb the embankment I hear, “Tim, I need help!”
.
I run back toward that pile of debris to find my wife desperately clinging to a branch. I know she was trying to help someone who had capsized but this was not the time to analyze what the heck just happened. I manage to crawl down a stump, grab her hand a pull her up from the water.
Even though we’re both safely out from the river, the kayaks are not. In fact they’re both jammed into the debris. More particularly it’s the paddles that are caught beneath those logs and in turn they’re tied to the kayaks.
.
My wife takes off after her waterproof bag that’s been carried away by the current. The one with her cell phone, car keys and who knows what else. I’m left trying to free the kayaks and in doing so find myself swimming through that damn water once again.
.
Eventually my wife retrieves her bag, thanks to a couple of paddlers, and makes a phone call to the renters. We agree that she’ll follow the trail in order to make sure her kids are okay, which I’m assuming they are, and I’ll stay behind and watch over the kayaks.
.
Time passes, how much I have no idea, but eventually one of the rental workers show up. He proudly marches down the hill toward the river. Chest puffed. A stride filled with confidence. An authoritarian look glazes his face as if to tell me that he’s come to save the day, and prove once and for all, that I have no idea how easy this will be.
.
It didn’t take him long to discover, no rigorous scientific process was needed, that yes, the kayaks are truly wedged underneath the mountain of debris. And yes, the river is flowing faster than it usually does. And yes, it’s going to take several of his workers to free them. Was I feeling a sense of redemption? Maybe a little, but who really wants to be in this spot in the first place?
.
Anyway, after his realization, I took off along the trail after my wife. I set out on a slow jog and of course I’m wearing anything but the right shoes for the hilly, rocky and brush covered terrain. After about two miles the trail ended at a small creek surrounded by a swamp. Uggh, did I tell you that I hate swamps and all the things that slither in them? Not only do I become hyper-vigilant, but I’m also trying to figure out what to do next when I hear my wife’s voice floating on the wind. From the sound of it she’s talking to someone, but who?
.
I call out and she stands up on a log on the other side of the creek. “What in the hell are you doing way over there?” I ask somewhat dumbfounded.
.
With legs completely covered in grime, she proceeds to tell me that she had crossed the creek on a fallen log. She then waded through the swamp only to discover that the trail ended near some tents. She was too scared to go forward, absolutely refused to walk back through the muck so she instead called a friend to keep her company.
.
Luckily there happened to be a decayed plank that jutted out from the creek’s edge. I coaxed my wife out onto it, reached across the water to grab her hand and on the count of three she jumped and I pulled her to my side. Needless to say that at this point she was done with all this “crap” (I’m sure you can imagine the real words that spewed past her lips).
.
I won’t bore you with the details with the rest of our journey, but we did double back from that homeless encampment, found the trail and made it to our car. And yes, like I suspected we found the kids safe and bored out of their minds.
.
To say the least, it was an adventure that didn’t turn out like we had hoped. Then again, life can be like this too. I’m sure we can all agree that things don’t always go according to plan.
As I look back, there were some scary moments that could’ve easily left me frustrated and angry. Hey, I even lost my wedding ring (it was a cheap one anyway) and somehow got a swollen eye (I have no idea what hit me or what I ran into). But, I was able to remain calm, be present in the moment and work my way through the situation. It reminded me of something a shaman once told me, “The past has already happened, the future has yet to happen, trust in the moment that is happening.”
.
In the end we made it back safely and it all has a happy ending. And as I like to remind my wife, not only did I save her once, but twice. And now I have two platinum, “get out of the dog house for free,” cards.
.
I still believe that most of us want to be in this together, let’s not be too close together while we’re all in it.